Parting of the clouds ....

Well, as you can see, I have finally got around to writing another post ! Not a lot has happened since the last ... but at least I am now back connected to the Information Superhighway. Yes, I have a new computer ... well not *new* as such ( it is a re-furbished Apple iBook ), but it is new to me. Why another Mac ? ... I am used to using them, my last one ( the blueberry iMac )was very reliable ... after all I had it coming up to eight years, and it was only in the last year that I had serious problems with it ... and just the fact that I like them .. !!!. I am never one to take the easy ( or cheap ) option ...

I have had the computer for about a month now, but it wasn't only a lack of my own machine that caused the drought in posts here ... I have been going through one of my *grey* periods in life (again ). These happen every once in a while ... become very down, unmotivated, not wanting to do much ... not being able to do much than get up, go to work, come home and sleep. These are normally triggered by something and nothing ... just general life, but I have to say mostly by work. I seem to go through periods where everyone knows how to do my job better than I do ... when nothing I do is good enough .... when, after being invisible, I suddenly become all too visible ( quite often when things are going downhill in the store ). The last month has been such a period.

Stuart ( our Manager ) was leaving, and was talking to his superiors about all he had done to improve the store .... how he had raised the sales on the Chilled , Produce and Frozen areas of the store and reduced their waste percentage, how the whole store had improved ... except for one bit ... yes, you guessed - the Instore Bakery , ie: my bit !. It hadn't become worse, but it hadn't improved either in the year he had been here ... a chink in his facade of perfection. That made me feel soooo good - NOT ! . I had been working my butt off, and it wasn't good enough .... I had been selling enough, but the waste I created to do so was too high in comparison. After his talk to his bosses, he talked to the staff ... and me ... suddenly, all these "ideas" and "suggestions" came my way from Stuart, and from other members of staff too ( some who have never set foot in the ISB... ), on how I could try and solve this *problem*. Now , I am not so *pig headed* as to think that only I know how to work the ISB ... I am open to new suggestions ... but it seemed as if they thought I hadn't thought about it myself at all. Waste is always a problem, and I have been having my own personal battle with it since I started on the section four years ago ... it has NEVER been low enough for those who - must - be - obeyed ( either Stuart or any other of the four/five managers we have had at Eastney in that time) ... and it isn't from want of trying by me !! . I get told to keep the fixtures full, so I do ... then the waste is too high, so I bake less ... then I get told off for having gaps, and that the fixture should be fuller .... it goes around in never ending circles .... not thought about the waste ? ... it is all I HAVE thought about for 4 years !! . So ... I am working through the suggestions and ideas ( most which I have tried in the past, just for the record ... ) ... if that is what they want me to do, then I will do it ... they treated me as if I had not a single brain cell to my name, and to be honest I became tired of trying to prove them otherwise ... . I was now not only being treated as if I didn't exist most of the time , but that I was stupid and doing my job poorly too ... great..not. As you can see, this was possibly enough to make anyone's mood darken .... but it will get better - it usually does ... a case of mind over matter - or just not caring what others say or think about me anymore ....

Now, I am on a weeks break away from all that , having fun playing around on my laptop, and looking forward to the end of the month, and seeing the Maestro @ the Royal Albert Hall ... the dark clouds are lifting, just for a while anyway .... must not get myself in that situation again ... at least, not for a few months anyway ....