Soundtrack of my life

Continuing on a musical theme ......

It is amazing the power music can have - its ability to evoke memories, places, feelings ..... a way to travel in time and space. Although I am not a musician ( I don't play any instruments, and the only singing I do is along to the radio in the bath ! ) it seems like music has always been there in my life .... as it is in most people's , I expect.

Browsing through the sales a few weeks ago, I found a copy of " The very best of ELO " at a very cheap price. I've always liked some of their music so I bought it - it didn't matter if I didn't like all the tracks, for I wouldn't be wasting too much money. Listening to it at home, I suddenly found my mind being taken back in time ..... to my childhood in the late 70's ... memories of playing in the garden, the sound of " The diary of Horace Wimp " being played on the radio drifting out from the house. Television didn't play that much of an important part in my childhood : looking back, it seemed we were always listening to the radio, and it was from the radio that I heard most of the music I remember. It was quite a mixture - country, easy listening, pop, classical ...... ELO, Supertramp, Sky ( remember them ? ).... I'm sure Jean Michel was in there somewhere, ( after all, Oxygene came out in ' 77 ) but I'm not conscious of it at that point in my life... I do remember Emmeson, Lake and Palmer with " Fanfare for the Common Man " though ( connected to the 1976 Olympics. I think ? ).... so electronica came into view from an early age it seems.....

The 80's and it's music takes me back to my teenage years ...... from Duran Duran , Howard Jones and Nik Kershaw to Prefab Sprout, Peter Gabriel, Sting, Black, Pet shop boys, INXS .... most of the music I listen to now stems back in some way to that time in my life ..... oh, and my little obsession with a certain artist started about then too.... LOL!! .... memories of school days, dancing around my bedroom to " Union of the Snake ", revising for final exams with " Notorious " playing in the background ( as you can tell, I was a bit of a Durannie then.... ).... happy, care-free days ...... seeing the cover of " Revolutions " for the first time, and watching Destination Docklands on Channel 4 - now * that * started something that hasn't finished yet ( and I hope it never does ) ........

So Life carried on, I grew older, more music entered my little world to accompany new experiences.... The Shaman, James, Sash!, Seal, Transglobal Underground, Natacha Atlas, Khaled, Rachid Taha , Afro Celts, Air..... my first trip to Paris, seeing Jean Michel in concert for myself @ Wembley Stadium ..... the ups and downs of adult life .... heartache and heartbreak ...... good times and not so good times .....

I can be taken back to any place, any point in my personal time line, and all it takes to do that is for me to just listen to a CD , or a song playing on the radio....... and the music can take me there. Long may that continue .......

Good things come to those who wait .....

There has been a lot of activity on the Jarre fan forums , especially around the topic of the upcoming album .... what is it going to be called?, what is it going to be about ? , what it is going to sound like ? , what synths are being used ?, when is it going to be released? and so on . There have been small snippets of "official" information about it from Aeroprod , but not much ..... and a mountain of unofficial info, rumours, "fake" preview tracks etc. . That is where most of the debate on the forum has come from. People complaining about the lack of "real" information, that there is no media campaign yet, that we don't actually have the release date confirmed yet, that they don't like the preview of the (possible) first single ( and if that is actually going to be the single at all ) ...... it goes on and on.

I have to say, on a personal note, that a little more official information would be nice - it would stop some of the more crazy rumours from going around and being taken as fact - and the two previews on Youtube are very gratefully received by me ( * big grin * LOL ) , but I am not in such a hurry as some of the others on the forums are. The Internet is a wonderful thing, enabling people to obtain and communicate information about subjects in a blink of an eye , and that is not a bad thing ..... but sometimes it can feel like too much information, too fast to me . For some (generally younger I have to admit ) people on the forum, they want and expect things to be like that all the time. A sense of patience seems to have been lost to them in the race to find out what they want to know ... they want all the info, and they want it now (if not yesterday !). This is going to make me sound very old, but I remember a time ( and it wasn't THAT long ago ) when it wasn't like that .... when you only found out about an album release early if you were lucky and had a friend working in a record store to tip you off .... when the first time you saw the cover art was generally when you saw the album in the shop ..... when you didn't (usually ) know what it would sound like until you bought it and took it home to listen to. There was a sense of excitement to record buying which seems to have been lost to some. Yes, there was the risk you would buy the album and find that you hated it ..... but there was also the intense pleasure of experiencing something new and wonderful for the first time, untainted by previews and leaked snippets.

I had quite a late introduction to the wonders of the web ( didn't get Internet access @ home until 2002 ) , so this was the way I found out about releases for most of the time until then - in relation to Jean Michel , right up until Oxygene 7-13 ( after that, I found Conductor of the Masses fanzine, so there was a little more insight for me into what he was doing ... :-) ) .... what I am saying is that you don't always need to have information months in advance, and for that info to go into intimate detail about an album release ( although some information is always helpful.... ) to be interested in it . A little mystery can only heighten the expectation and the enjoyment of when you first discover the music for yourself. As the title of this post states , " Good things come to those who wait " ....... that is especially so when it comes to Jean Michel and his music ...... after all , having a sense of patience is almost a requirement when it comes to being a Jarre fan ..... ( and one of Peter Gabriel , Kraftwerk, Sting .... the list goes on ... but that is another topic.....) .

Mother Nature regains her memory......

I woke up this morning to find that Mother Nature has suddenly remembered that it is actually January, not March ....... it was windy , damp, and it was COLD ! I don't think the temperature had been below 10 degrees Celsius since winter began ( well, except for a short spell in November perhaps ... ) .... now it was struggling to reach 5 degrees : just a bit of a sharp contrast. All the plants and flowers that have been starting to spring up in people's gardens are going to have a bit of a shock to their systems ... if this cold snap doesn't kill them off all together ...... spring might not be so colourful this year after all this .....

It stayed cold all day, and the forecast is for it to get colder during the week - perhaps even cold enough for snow ? That may sound like a stupid statement to make to some - after all , winter = cold = snow, ice, frost etc. - but I live on the south coast of the UK, and we hardly ever get snow. I will not say never, for it does happen once in a while ( but never lasts for more than a few days or a week at the most ), but not very often ( writing that last statement is probably tempting Fate - fully expect to open the curtains tomorrow to find 2
feet of snow !!! ) ...... the last time was a few years ago, and that created chaos .... getting to work was NOT fun - especially not on my bike ! . Despite being almost as far north on the planet as Norway, the UK cannot seem to cope with cold weather ..... public transport grinds to a halt ( especially the railway system - the trains
seem to be stopped by ANYTHING : leaves in the Autumn, the "wrong" type of rain in the spring, the track buckling because it is too hot for them in the Summer ... it would be funny if it didn't happen so often ... ), the roads become unusable - including the motorways - because they resemble ice-rinks ( no-one thinks of gritting them until after they become covered in ice....) ... and so on - it has been like that for as long as I can remember. The Nordic countries can have temperatures and conditions that we here only find in industrial deep freezers ( - 24 degrees and metres of snow for months ), they have that year in. year out, and they manage to cope and function quite normally ..... we have millimetres of something resembling snow once in a blue moon, and we go to pieces..... that just about sums the situation up - pathetic really, isn't it ?

Simple things

littlesister, originally uploaded by littlesister.

Another example of my ( lack) of artist talent..... LOL.

This is just a simple doodle of mine...... a simple, minimal, child-like drawing of the features of a face ( yes, that is what it is supposed to be ! ) .... in some way, it represents my face ( sans glasses of course ). It is my "trade-mark" ( of sorts) - I tend to doodle this next to my signature on greetings cards ... a visual mark connected to me.

The main focus to the drawing, I think, are the eyes ...... the "windows to your soul" it is said... eyes just hold a facination to me ( probably because mine are actually so unremarkable, but that is just me and my opinion of myself ... ). No matter how someone changes their appearence over the years, no matter how they might age, the one thing that doesn't change is their eyes. Yes, they might get bags under them, or lines .... but basically they don't change. You can look into the face of an eighty year old, and be able to see the eyes of the child still within them .......

So, this is me ..... my soul on view ( well, kind of ....) - "littlesister" .... make of it what you will.....

Why does it always rain on me ... ?

... as the song goes on.... "Is it because I lied when I was seventeen
? " ( the song is by Travis, if you didn't know ) ...

I haven't had a great week so far - nothing has gone dramatically wrong, but nothing has gone particularly right either. Managed to oversleep twice ( something I hardly ever do ) .... I didn't get up until 5 am ( when I should actually be leaving the house that time .... ) . Then to compound that, and to make me even later for work on Tuesday, my bike developed a problem on the way there ( a puncture ) - I had to walk the rest of the way with the bike, then walk all the way home again that night. ( again, with the bike ) before I could fix the problem.Unfortunately, I don't live that close to my place of work - I live in a different town about 3 or so miles away ( hence why I cycle ) - so it was a bit of a long walk. Why didn't I catch a bus ? - because I was more than half way there before it happened, and as I said, I was running late already ....... and the local bus company doesn't really like having bikes on their vehicles....;-) . I couldn't repair the bike while at work because I didn't have a puncture repair kit with me, and there are no cycle repair shops in the area to do it for me .... it just goes on....... I sorted that problem out in the end. The bike repaired and ready to go, and after getting up on time, I rode to work this morning ( well, I should say I was BLOWN to work - the weather was very , VERY windy today..... ) - that went OK. I went to get my bike at the end of the day .... and found the back tire was flat again ( it was another puncture !!) - cue another long walk home. To say I wasn't a happy bunny is an understatement...... .

To link up with the subject of my previous post ...... I think my particular guardian angel is absent this week ... they must be on holiday, or sick, the way this week has gone so far......

Despite all the moaning, I am not unhappy ..... there is good news around ..... and it is Jarre related ..... * big grin *. There has been some new news on the new album, and about the soon-to-be released single ...... all I am saying ( at the moment anyway ) is if that teaser on YouTube is what the new album is like, I'm not going to be too unhappy about it .... * even bigger grin * .... roll on March ....... ( that is, if there are no delays .... :-) )

Someone to watch over me .....

angel, originally uploaded by littlesister.

As you might be able to tell from the above picture ( and my profile image ), I like the idea of there being such things as angels .... not so much in the religious way ( as a winged messenger, bringing the word of God to us mere mortal Humans ) - my image of them is more secular.....

One of my favourite films is one called Wings of Desire. In it, the skies around us ( in this case, the skies in question are above a still divided Berlin) are populated by gentle, trench-coat wearing angels who watch over the city's inhabitants, listening to their thoughts, and trying to comfort them in times of need ( The main premise to the story is that one of the angels falls in love with one of these troubled souls, and wants to become mortal, to become Human, so he can be with her ). In my mind, angels are more like that - a mostly unseen but friendly presence ..... someone to watch over us, to listen to our unspoken hopes and fears ... our moments of doubt and inspiration ... thinking along those lines is a comfort to me when I am down. For those who have a strong religious faith, I expect this sounds a lot like the role of God has in their life ( after all, when you are praying, that is exactly what you believe you are doing ... you are talking to God, and he is listening to you ) and that is OK ... but in my head, the angels are listening to anyone and everyone, they are there for them regardless of who they believe in .....

The picture I started the post with is something I have on my wall at home. It is just an oversized greetings card I found one day which I liked, and I framed it.. I like the image a lot .... there is something serene and peaceful about it .... the expression on the angel's face is thoughtful and just a little melancholic ... she is just sitting there in contemplation ... it is a beautiful image for me ... one that seems to sum up how I feel inside sometimes ... ( but that is another (long) story...:-) ). I hope you enjoy it too, for your own reasons.....

Travelling without moving....

There are some people who seem to have visited everywhere .... been
there, seen that, got the t-shirt . They collect air-miles like others
collect stamps ; they want to experience everything and everywhere
for themselves - and then there are others who have never set foot
outside their home town, and are quite content with that . I'm
somewhere in between the two - a mixture of both . I haven't travelled
much : the furthest I've got is to Paris and Bruges ( which isn't that
far really ! ) and it wasn't until I was well into my twenties that I
even managed to do that. There are reasons for that - lack of money,
family commitments, the fact that I used to suffer extremely with
travel-sickness when I was younger are a few - but I'm not unhappy
about it. That isn't to say I don't want to travel ..... if money and
time were no obstacle, there are many places I would like to go myself
..... China, India, right around Europe, North Africa. But I'm not too
concerned, for I have a way of experiencing a little of these places,
and many others without even leaving my home....

I can travel to far off places, experiencing amazingly diverse cultures, breathtaking scenery, enchanting sights and sounds whenever I want to ..... by just immersing myself in a book, or watching a DVD, or by listening to a CD. It is quite easy..... :-)

I enjoy reading a lot, and always have done ( even though I don't read as much now as I did ... ) - it is something I have inherited from my mum. A good book can take me away from where I am now, and transport me to another place ..... and that place doesn't just have to be another country. I can go back or forwards in time .... to places real or imagined ... even into outer-space - anywhere my mind ( and the book) wants to take me. From every book I read, be it fiction or non-fiction, I have new experiences, learn new things ...... I've become an eternal student in the University of the Universe.

The same is true for the music I listen to, and DVD's I watch. Through listening to (and watching ) artists such as Jean Michel Jarre and Peter Gabriel ( to name just two ) , I have been able to travel to new lands of my own making ..... to see other places I could only dream about visiting . Through their musical influences, I have opened my ears ( and eyes ) to experience other cultures ( and their artists ). For example, Peter Gabrielintroduced me to the music of Youssou N'dour ; through Jean Michel, I first discovered Khaled ... and through him Rachid Taha, Faduel and many others. I have acquired a taste for music other than just theDance-driven tunes of the UK charts, and through this music I can travel the world at will .

My taste in DVD's is not entirely mainstream either ( at least, not for the UK ) ... what are loosely described as "World Cinema" movies - ( i.e : movies not from the Hollywood film factory , not always English language ( but with subtitles), and with a story-line to them - rather than just being a series of explosions tied together with love scenes ....). Watching these takes me away to another place too.....

So you see , I don't need to actually fly around the world to see the sights ( although that doesn't mean I don't want to ! ) .... I can visit them already, and there is no limit to where else I can go, or see, other than my ability to read, listen and dream.......

Power of positive thought

Feeing a lot better, mood-wise, today than I have for a week or so. I'm
not entirely sure why - not much has changed : work is still work, home
life is basically the same as usual - but I am just happier. It is as
if the dark clouds that had temporarily surrounded my head have begun
to clear, and I can start to see patches of clear blue sky ahead .....
the glass has gone back to being half- full again .... after all, I
have things to look forward to in the near future ( a new album from
The Maestro for one ! )
So, again , I can only apologise to anyone following this blog ( that
seems to be you alone Geejee @ the moment .... ;-) ) for the depressing
tone of some of the previous posts ... it is not that interesting or
comfortable to read when they are all like that, is it ? It was just
the way I was feeling at the time ... not much I can do about that I'm
afraid. Unfortunately, I always seem to able to write fluently when I
am down in the dumps ( hence the L o n g posts ... ) ... it is a
way of exorcising what is troubling me, I suppose. I must also try to
stop writing late at night too ... too much time and temptation to
dwell on the negative aspects of my thoughts that time of day ....
things should improve now ( hopefully ). Anyway, enough about my mental
state .... I'm starting to sound like a cracked record on that subject
.....

Work today was busy, for reasons other than customers. The store had a
stock-take today - this meant I had to count and record every loaf,
every cake, every last bread roll we had in stock ..... a LOT of work.
It wasn't so hard with the boxes of unopened stock - they had the
amount they contained printed on the side of the boxes, so I just had
to record the numbers in each box ..... but the open boxes of stock
took a little longer to record ... ( 1, 2, 3, 4 ....... 120, 121 , 122
..... and on and on ...). All this was done while the store was open,
and obviously, I couldn't bake anything until it was completed. I
didn't start the days baking before 9 am ( I usually start @ 6 am ) ...
there were some unhappy customers today, but at least it wasn't all my
fault this time.

One of my work friends - Angie - was leaving today : she was retiring.
She had worked in the store for absolute ages and had reached
retirement age a year or so ago, but continued to work. Looking at her,
you would have never believed she was over Sixty. But now, due to
health reasons, she had decided to stop .... even though she still
didn't really want to. Her leaving was quite sad ..... but in a happy
way . She is a very nice person, always had time to talk and listen ...
I don't think anyone disliked her. The girls had a collection so we
could get her a leaving present ( a crystal vase ) and I made the
leaving card ( as seems to be the norm ... but I don't mind! ). We
gathered around and presented her with it at the end of her shift ...
she seemed to like the present ... she was just on the edge of tears,
and so were we ! I have to say, things will not be the same without
Angie around.........

Me, Myself and I ....

I have been re-reading the posts I've made in the last week or so ....
I sound very depressing, boring and self-centred don't I ?
I don't think I am really.... honestly ... ;-) There are a lot of 'I'
statements ... I think this, I feel that etc ... but then again, this
is my personal blog - so what do you expect !. It is said you write
better if it is about something you know ... well, what do I know more
about than myself? . That is not being self-centred : it is just a
fact. Also, I'm quite a quiet, introverted person I suppose ... I
don't tend to go out much ( usually too tired after working all day ) -
happy watching DVD's or just reading a book - so there isn't that much
to say about going to parties with friends, or staying out all night on
a pub crawl , because I don't as a rule... I'm just not that
interesting, sorry.....( see - there I go again..... )

I have been trying to keep upbeat and positive this week,... a fresh mental attitude for the New Year... but events keep bringing me back down again. Heard today that Joanne got a phone call from the hospital yesterday afternoon while at work - her mother had taken a turn for the worse. Joanne rushed there and arrived to be told that her mother was sinking fast ...... she died @ 5.30 pm that evening. ( There goes that sense of deja-vu again.... the wound re-opening.... I just feel so sad now... reminders of last year keep on recurring... but this is not about me - I'm unimportant ) . There is nothing I can say ... my thoughts go out to Joanne ... she must be feeling numb with shock. At least the suffering and pain her mother was going through is over ... she has finally found release, and is at peace now. That is of no comfort or consolation to Joanne though at the moment I expect..... she thought she still had a little more time left with her mum ( after all, she was told her Mum had a month or so left only last week ) but it wasn't to be....

Time to be quiet now ... there is nothing more left to say....

Déja-vu

Time for an update on my uninteresting life......

The title of this post says it all about my week so far.... a definite
feeling I have been here / done this before. Returned to work on
Tuesday, after the New Year break, and spent the day doing the exact
same thing I did last Wednesday ( i.e.: chasing my tail all day ! ).
There was a slight difference this week though ..... I wasn't so
stressed over the situation this time. That is probably because I was
sort of expecting the day to be like that ... didn't allow it to get me
down. Just ploughed through the work to do as fast as I could - of
course, for some people ( customers ), it wasn't fast enough for them,
but I came to the conclusion that I was doing my best - what else could
I do ?. If the stock wasn't ready yet, it wasn't ready.... I cannot
make the ovens work any faster..... . I just worked away, aided by the
sound of my CD player in the corner of the prep area ( three guesses
what ( or should that be who ) was playing for , at least, some of the
day...... ;-) )...

Not so many people affected by their alcohol consumption either this
week ... most of those unwell last week had returned. Perhaps they had
learned their lesson from their experiences over Christmas ..?
( no, I don't really believe that either ) ... think it had more to do
with the fact they didn't get out of bed all day Monday after the
skin-full they had the night before.....! Anyway, it was back to
normality after the festive season , whatever normality is...

The sense of déja-vu in my life was also triggered by something else
other than work itself . It seems Roxanne was right when she talked
about old wounds still being keen ....... fading away only to be
reborn ... ( a reference to a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac - if you
have seen the film, you will know what I'm talking about - if not, you
will understand in a moment ) ......

One of the people missing from work last week was Joanne ( she works on
the checkout ). I assumed she was unwell, so when she returned on
Tuesday I asked if she was OK. She said she was, but there was
something not quite right ... she seem distracted, and very quiet. I
found why, through some of the others closer to her, later in the day.
Her mother, who she still lives with, had been generally unwell for
some time. Last week, things became worse - she was not eating, not
sleeping, suffering sudden pains - so an ambulance was called, and she
was admitted to hospital for tests. The results were not good .....
they found that Joanne's mother has cancer. She is too weak to start
any form of treatment, and the cancer is so aggressive and far spread
that the doctors have only given her a month or so to live .... she is
dying. That is devastating news to Joanne .... no-one realised her mum
was that ill - no wonder she was distracted. My heart goes out to
Joanne at the moment...... . Hearing all that also brought back
memories to me, of last year, and the death of my Grandmother. Although
she didn't have cancer, all the symptoms Joanne spoke about rang a bell
in my head, for I remember similar symptoms with Gran in the days
before she was admitted to Hospital. I remember lying on my bed, crying
my eyes out, praying to God ( or whoever was up there to listen ) for
her to get better ... she had to get better.... it turned out no-one
was listening. These memories are close to the surface anyway at the
moment, as the first anniversary of her death is coming up, plus the
fact that today would have been her 86th birthday .... but listening
to what Joanne is going through has just brought all that happened
right back to the front of my mind ... my mental and emotional wounds
have healed a lot, but they are still there, still keen and always will
be to some extent......
I was in a fairly happy frame of mind until I heard about Joanne's
plight .... now I am not so much unhappy or sad - just thoughtful
again. I hope both Joanne's and her mother's suffering doesn't last too
long .... unfortunately, it is something everyone has to suffer to some
extent at some point in their lives - the loss of a loved one. As
someone much more intelligent than me eloquently describes it -
" We're born, we live for a brief instant, and then we die .... it's
been happening for a long time ..."

Looking forward

After the introspection and navel-gazing of yesterday's posts, today I am going to be a bit more positive .... after all, it is a New Year. Time for a fresh approach to life and my view of it. The glass is going to be half full rather than half empty....

There is not really that much wrong with my life, if I am totally truthful ... yes, there are things I could change and want to change ( the usual things - loose weight, get out more, not be so lazy etc ) ... but mostly I just need to change my perspective on things rather than the actual things themselves. If I do want to change something in my life, then I should realise that the only person who has the power to do so is me ! .... stop relying or depending on outside factors to do it for me.

I don't make resolutions as such ; more, I have stuff I would like to do before the year is out. Yes, I know they are basically the same thing, but resolutions are normally set tasks, promises to people ( others or yourself ) which can be broken .... my "stuff to do/achieve " list is a bit more flexible and fluid. I know that I would like to do these things, but also that at any time something could happen to put a spanner in the works .... if I don't achieve or manage to do any of this, it will not be the end of the world....... :-)

As for the stuff I want to do .... well, as well the things I have already mentioned, there are a few more. I would like to visit Paris again, and perhaps a few other places too (finances allowing! ). I fell in love with Paris the first time I visited, and managed to arrange a trip there at least once a year for almost a decade.... it is a place I could go to recharge my batteries ( both mental and physical ) ... it is a beautiful city, full of history and culture ... a place to get away from my sometimes mundane existence - that was until two years ago, since when family and financial circumstances have prevented me from returning.
I would like to see Jean Michel in concert, for myself, again too ( told you my obsession would rear its head... ). He has a new album coming out this year, ( at some point...) so there is a possible chance of a tour to support it, and it perhaps visiting the UK too ? ( all in my dreams... ). I know there have been opportunities to see him in concert in the past few years ( the last time I managed to was in '97 ), but as I couldn't get the money together to visit Paris, finding enough to travel to China, Poland or Morocco was even more out of the question ! Perhaps my wishes might combine, and I get to see him in concert in Paris....who knows? In fact, who knows what the year will finally hold for me ..... I can only wait and see how it progresses .....