Oops , I did it AGAIN ...

... neglected this blog, that is. Time for another round-up on my oh-so-interesting and exciting life ..... NOT!

Firstly - the fun factory. The revolving door has turned again, but this time it wasn't a manager leaving, but the deputy - Michelle. She had got a promotion to manager, and her first store ( not counting the time she was actually running our store, that is ! ). I was sad to see her go .... I quite liked her, and that now meant there was no-one left in store management-wise from when I first arrived at Eastney , no-one who knew me from the time I wasn't the Baker ... but pleased she had got her promotion. Actually, when I did first arrive at the fun factory, Michelle had just become a team-leader, like me .... it is amazing how far you can go when you are determined enough.... . Anyway, she has left, and we acquired a new deputy - Wayne. I think he had been a manager at another of our much smaller stores, but this was still considered a move up for him. So now we have a completely male management team for the first time in a good few years .... which I am not completely comfortable about, but I will get used to it. Wayne seems a nice enough person, and seems to know what he is doing around the store. I'm just waiting for the two male egos to appear ( and I'm sure they will with 2 alpha males in store - Tony and the new addition ) and hopefully not clash - if they do, it will not be a pretty sight. During this new change, Michelle's little helper has had to become Tony's , and now Wayne's little helper .... and he is even more in his element than ever. He ( that is John ) has had a small change in role. He has left the office work behind ( for now, anyway ), and has become in charge of Chilled/Produce section. This was something he had done in the past, and now he was back !. It seems his self-important head has made a reappearance too ... he is VERY good at telling people what to do! Unfortunately, not everyone likes being told what to do ... and there have been a few little niggles, but they passed soon enough. People are used to John by now, and know that is just how he is..... luckily, he has little to do with me and my little part of the store .. at the moment .... .

As for me .... my moods are still going up and down , I'm still having my eternal struggle with the waste figures ... nothing much changes. I have had my little run-ins with others in the store too. It all came about because we were short-staffed one afternoon. We are short- staffed most of the time really, but this particular day we were especially so .... people on holiday, people sick, people just not turning up. As I am generally left to my own devices in my area, and generally ignored by everyone else anyway, I didn't take much notice to all the bells being rung from the checkouts ... there is normally always someone else to answer them, and even when I do answer them, I am told I'm not needed, or they need someone else. Except, this afternoon, there wasn't someone else to answer them .... everyone available was already on checkout ... which I didn't know .... and some grumpier members of staff ( make that ONE grumpy member of staff ) were not happy about it. It was commented upon that why couldn't I go on checkout, why hadn't I answered any of the bells, after all " she is a team-leader"..... generally I was accused of not being a team player, not pulling my weight . So they finally noticed I AM a team leader then ! As I said, I'm generally ignored .... not included in the equation of the store, in the team ( or that is what it feels like at times ), why should it be any different when we are short-staffed to when we are not ?! I don't answer bells because (1) they don't usually need or want ME even when I do answer or (2) I am so tied up with the ovens I can't - it was only because others didn't want to go on checkout or run around after the bells that it became an issue. Plus the fact, Mr Grumpy ( yep, it was a bloke who was complaining ) could not even have the decency to moan to my face - he complained to one of the others on the shopfloor. Things were a bit strained between me and Mr Grumpy for a day or two .... but he calmed down and things went back to normal.
Outside of work ... my usual aches and pains appeared then disappeared every now and then, joined for a while by a foot ( or that should be an ingrown big toe nail ) that became almost too painful to walk on.
Mum and bigbrother are still Mum and big brother. I still mess around on the Jarre forum and Facebook ( after a few additions and deletions , my friend count is up to almost 30 .... the majority of them fans of the Maestro who I have never met and probably never will ... ) most evenings. I'm looking forward to next weekend, and eventually getting to see Eddie Izzard perform again ( well, I did book the tickets in JANUARY ! ), and then Christmas ( and the end of the Tenth Doctor ....), then next March ( and the Maestro in Paris ) ... you see, my life is not ALL doom and gloom !

And that is about it .... until the next time I get around to writing that is .....

Refreshing my petite obsession ...

Back onto happier themes .... I think it is about time ( it is about four MONTHS since the event ) I got around to writing about one of the high points of my year so far - my experience of seeing the Maestro in concert (again!), at Wembley Arena in May (well, I did promise to do it in an earlier posting.... ) ... so here goes ...

Despite all the earlier debate over how we (bigbrother, Mum and myself) were to travel up to London and the venue, we ended up going in bigbrother's tired old car (the one he was sure wouldn't be able to make the journey !!!). After a bit of a problem finding the place he had booked the parking at (didn't expect it to be outside a battered old warehouse - but we were not the only ones parking there ... ), and a bit of a walk, all three of us found ourselves outside the Arena .... about 3 hours before the doors opened !!! (this was thanks to bigbrother panicking about the time it would take to drive up there, so setting off from home earlier than we really needed to). Cue lots of aimlessly walking around the area, or just sitting down on the steps outside the Arena, watching others just walk around, or mess around in the water jets/ fountains .. . During the walking, I did see a group of people (some who I recognised slightly from the fan forums - the more 'dedicated' fans ) standing by the entrance to the back /stage door area of the Arena. I knew there was to be a fan meeting there, and did kind-of want to go up and say hello .... but my nerve got the better of me. The group was mostly male, and the fact that they would not know me from Eve ( they might know my name or nickname , but not my face !!! ) put me off .... that, and I was with Mum and bigbrother too. So in the end, I didn't approach them. I also saw Christophe  (someone else I knew from the forums) and his father walking around, but again my shyness ( and a strong sense of not making a fool of myself ) stopped me saying hello .... Didn't think he would want to be approached by a strange Goth-like blob of a woman he didn't know ( I was dressed in my usual uniform of long black jacket, dark jeans, black baseball boots, black T-shirt ( from Europe in Concert - a previous tour by Jean Michel) , a baker boy cap , dark eyes and bright red lipstick ! ).... perhaps next time I will be more brave ..... and there WILL be a next time !.

Eventually, the time came for the doors to open, and along with a lot of others who were waiting too, the three of us entered the venue. I hadn't been to the arena since its redevelopment, so hadn't seen the inside. Waiting in the foyer I was pleasantly surprised ... and not just by all the chrome and glass. The doors had opened a little early, so access to the Arena floor was still not allowed ... and I could hear why. The strains of VERY familiar music was drifting out from the arena itself .... and not for the last time that day , a huge smile came across my face. There must have been a sound check going on .... a small taster of what was to come ... and it sounded completely beautiful to me. I just stood there, behind a pillar , listening while the soothing sounds of Souvenir de Chine surrounded me and everyone else in the foyer ... then the distinct forceful notes of Rendezvous 2 and the laser harp resonated around the space too ... my smile became wider by the second. I couldn't wait for the concert to start now ....

Soon the music stopped seeping from the arena, and the foyer returned to being filled with just the sound of people talking once more. After a short time more, the doors to the arena floor itself opened , and we were allowed in to take our seats . Thanks to my obsession (and the details being posted on the fan forums ), our tickets were booked on the day they went on sale, so our seats were fairly near the front of the arena ( 13 rows back) . I could see some of those I saw by the stage door come in ... they were mostly seated in the first few, if not the actual first row.... they must have been a bit faster booking than me !. I wasn't unhappy where I was - I had a fairly good view of the stage, even if I was at the far right hand side of it. So all 3 of us sat and waited while the arena filled ... all the while, the calm strains of Waiting for Cousteau played over the sound system. After sitting there for a while, I suddenly noticed someone else I knew from the forums - Kanta - with her sister in their seats a few rows in front of us. I was just about to go, be brave and say hello when the arena lights started to go down, and the sound of Waiting for Cousteau faded away .... so I decided not to - again, maybe next time..... the show was about begin ...

I had seen photos of the earlier concerts in the tour (in Poland /Hungary /Scandinavia) posted on the fan forums, so I had a small idea what to expect .... but nothing prepared me for seeing and hearing those first moments in person ... and bigbrother and Mum had no idea what was going to hit them. The powerful sound of Industrial Revolutions part 2 suddenly boomed around the arena, a series of wide blazing white laser beams emanated from strange looking objects at the back of the stage .... then one of the beams was broken by a single hand, followed by a familiar silhouette ... as Jean Michel walked through, portable synth slung around him and started to play . It was just wonderful ... simple but very effective. The wide smile returned to my face, and I sat and continued to watch and listen while Jean Michel and the music continued and began to weave its magic over me once again.




Jean Michel himself was back in his white shirt and jeans combo ... looking a little scruffy, but definitely as handsome as ever .... and full of energy! . As the concert progressed, he was jumping around like someone half his age, trying to encourage us to stand, clap, dance ( which the crowd did ... eventually ) ... it could had looked ridiculous , but it didn't. He wasn't like that all the time ... for periods, he looked serious, engrossed in what he was doing ... playing the Theremin, you could see the concentration in his face ... the mad scientist was back ... at others he had a huge smile on his face again ... it looked as if he was enjoying performing the show as much as we the audience was watching it ! He did speak to the audience a little too ... well, more than he had at the Albert Hall last year ... dedicating tracks to London ( Oxygene 4) and to the memory of his father ( Calypso part 3 ) among others. He seemed just very human somehow, not as distant as before perhaps ? ... wanting to share his music, and his enjoyment of it with us all....



As for the music and visuals ... the simple coloured lights and mirror of the Oxygene Tour last year had been replaced by more coloured lights and lasers which shot over the heads of the audience and painted patterns on the back wall of the arena ( for those who turned around to see them ... ). It was , maybe, not as spectacular as the visuals of the outdoor shows (or as some people expected), but it was very effective ... the focus was put back more onto the music ... the reason most of us came in the first place. Ahh .. the music. The track-list was a mixture of greatest hits and favourite pieces .... ranging from the usual suspects (Oxygene 4, Rendezvous 2, Souvenir de Chine) to some welcome additions we had not heard for ages live - if ever (Rendezvous 3 and Equinoxe 5). The sound quality was good ... maybe not as good as the Albert Hall perhaps, but that space was designed for music - the Arena is just a large concrete and steel box . The invisible speaker system Jean Michel was using worked well ... the sound seemed to come from everywhere .... and definitely was LOUD! During Oxygene 5 / Variation III, it was as if there was a solid wall of sound in front of us, almost pressing down on us. Combined with the visuals, there was so much energy about it felt like the air around us was ready to spontaneously combust ! ... powerful stuff indeed ( but those tracks are still a bit too free form for me though ... sorry, just my opinion!) . Personal highlights of the night for me :

Rendezvous 3 and the laser harp - I really liked this track but I had only ever seen/heard it on the Houston video .... to hear and feel the bass notes vibrate through my body, and see Jean Michel's gloved hand break the beams on the laser harp for myself just made my day ... and it DEFINITELY was live - no play-back here !

Oxygene 12 - one of my favourite tracks, and played back in time, unlike last year...

Equinoxe 4 - with the "Equinoxe lights" popping up and down in the background with the music ...

Calypso 3 - again, only ever seen/ heard by me on Video ( this time Paris-La Defense) ... a beautiful track, taking my mind back to an earlier, simpler time .... the beginning of my petite obsession ....in my head there was the Maestro in the 'Ringmasters' coat, conducting the masses under the huge metallic pyramid .. and the dedication to his late father made it extra special ...

Chronologie 6 and 2 - favourite tracks , with the little red accordion solo being played right in front of me ( well, almost ... ) for part 6 , and the thundering organ sound of the opening of part 2 echoing around the arena, bringing a shiver of delight down my spine ...


and finally, Rendezvous 2 - I never tire of this track, and it didn't disappoint .... as powerful, bombastic and simply brilliant as ever .. and another outing for the Maestro's trade mark - the spectacular laser harp ( and it was back in (almost) its classic form - beams shooting straight up to the roof ).

For most of the concert, there was nothing but the stage, the music and Jean Michel ... everything else just faded into the background ( including bigbrother and Mum! ). I say for most of the concert .... my blissful state was shattered quite a few times by people going in and out of the arena ... mostly for food and drink it seemed !. I was seated by one of the doors out of the arena, and had to keep standing up to allow people access out ... it was very annoying after the first few times. I was not the only person in that situation though - I could see it happening both in front and behind me. I thought it was very disrespectful to Jean Michel and the team on stage .... surely people can go an hour or so without an alcoholic drink or a hot dog ? That combined with people still coming into their seats at least 10-15 mins into the concert ... those things spoilt the magic just a little ... but it was just a little. It was another special night for me .... reminding me just why I have been a fan of Jean Michel and his music for so long ( over 20 years now .. ) ... because it connects with me in ways other music doesn't, because it makes me happy, and because I simply love it !. I think I might have even converted Mum to the cause ... well, almost - she said she enjoyed it ( if it was a bit loud for her ), and that she " understands what I see in it now " ... praise indeed. She also said she hadn't seen me smile so much in ages ... and I have to say I was a very happy bunny that night.

So , with our ears ringing from all that sonic abuse , 3 happy but slightly tired people joined the crowds leaving the arena at the end of the show and made our way back to the poor old car and the drive back home. I was thinking on the way home, while the darkness sped past the window, and the concert replayed itself in my head how lucky I have been - with this concert, I have seen the Maestro in concert 3 times in a little under 18 months, and 6 times in total ... and that I would continue to take every opportunity I could to see him again ... the next opportunity came up quicker than I could have imagined.

Soon after the show at Wembley, and the end of the dates for this part of the tour, further dates were announced for March next year (2010) - a second part of the tour. These dates were around France ( he had not visited his home country during this leg ) .... including one in Paris. This was far too much of a temptation for me .... I love the city anyway, and hadn't visited since 2007 .... so, killing two birds with one stone, and spending money I could not really afford, I booked two tickets for the Paris gig ( I will think about booking travel/hotels closer to the time ) ... my petite obsession with the Maestro continues unabated ...  Paris, here I come ..... !!

NB: just to note, the amazing images with this post are not mine ( unfortunately) ...  they come from various sites on the net .. most of them belong to my friend from the Blah Blah Cafe (Jarre fan forum) - Kanta . Many thanks to her for sharing them .....

Summer is officially over ...

... at least, it is according to those-who-must-be-obeyed in the Fun Factory.

It is only just into September ( in fact this all started on August Bank Holiday - 31st August ), but all the picnic stuff and disposable BBQ's have been removed from sale ..... and are being replaced by tins of sweets, crackers and advent calendars ... yes, the Christmas stuff is here !!. I know that we usually start receiving Christmas stock into store about this time of year, but this is the earliest I remember it actually being put out for sale. The children hadn't even returned to school yet before we started ! The run up to the festive season is definitely beginning earlier and earlier each year ..... ( Quite ironic really, but since all the summer stuff has been packed away, the weather has taken a turn for the better .... looks like we are going to have a bit of an "Indian summer" ... and we are being asked if we have any BBQ's etc. left.... * ho hum * .... ;-) ) .

Anyway, other than Christmas starting in August .... not too much has happened or changed at the Fun Factory in the last few weeks. Tony has started to settle in as Big Chief, doing what most of them do when they arrive here - trying to put their own stamp on the place. Small things have been changed around, 'new' and 'brilliant' ideas have been thrown around to 'help' us work better ( i.e. faster ) - most which have been heard before in one way or another - a few toes have been stepped upon ( one or two people have left ... but to be honest, I think they were going to leave anyway ) ... the usual experiences there are when we get a new manager. Yes, Tony has a lot of plans for the store .... which he is slowly beginning to realise might not work because we have not got the staff to put them into action !! He has seen at first hand how busy we can get, and I think he is starting to understand that even when everyone is in , the store is working with a skeleton staff ... there is only just enough people in to run the store. It only takes a few people to be on holiday or phone in sick, and we get into difficulties....welcome to the reality of working at Eastney Co-op ! .

I do feel just a little sorry for him - he has been on his own, without much back-up, for the last 4-6 weeks. Michelle (our deputy manager) has been either on holiday or signed off sick (with a fractured foot - ouch!) for that period of time. He has had some help - John (otherwise known as management's little helper ... ) and others are always around - but he had only been here about two weeks before this happened ... oh well, C'est la vie, as they say ...... It hasn't stopped him going to managers meeting or briefings though - hence all the 'new' ideas.

As for me, I'm just plodding along, trying not to get too fed up with it all. I have my new little plan and system of working to use ... which feels a lot like what I used to do a while ago under another manager , but was told to change in a previous shake-up ..... I have my continuing battle with the waste, I have the confusion of establishing what my actual status here is ( totally invisible, all too visible, just the baker, an actual team-leader .... normally some combination of the first 3 , but almost NEVER the fourth !), I have the prospect of the return of our rodent friends ( there is evidence of them around, they have been seen elsewhere in the store ... and I thought I saw something last week - I hoping I'm mistaken, or else here comes another near-nervous breakdown ) .... it is just fun, fun, fun all the way ! NOT ! .... as I said, I just plod on. Someday I might just do something right ... (like leave !) ... but for now, I'm just clinging on to the job for as long as possible ... like it or not, I still need the wage ... depressing but true at the moment.

Here we go again (again ... )

The revolving door that is the position of manager of my work place has spun again ... Yes, Steve has left and we have yet another manager to deal with. "Leave" might not be the right word to use actually - there has been a general swap around of managers among the stores in the area. Steve has now moved to Hayling Island store to go and save them ( yeah, right ... ) and we now have their manager - Tony.

I cannot say that Steve leaving was a complete surprise .... after all he had been at Eastney for almost a year, and managers here don't seem to last past that point for some reason - ambition, us being used a a general train ground by those in head office ( i.e.: if they can cope here, they should be able to cope anywhere ... ) etc. - but it did happen very quickly this time. One moment he was here , being his loud and boorish self , then within a week he wasn't. I am kind of sorry ... was just getting used to being annoyed and wound up every day ( j/k!) ... but at least I might now turn back into a human being in the eyes of others (management) and get called by MY NAME once in a while ....

As for the newcomer Tony - well, he isn't actually that new. He has been here before ... as a Deputy to She-who must-be-obeyed ( in other word, Emma), and that wasn't even my first experience of him ... I worked with him in a previous store when he first joined the company (about 7/8 years ago). So he isn't such a shock to the system as someone who we had never seen before .... but .... and there is a but .. it still means a lot of upheaval and change. Firstly, he is now top dog here and not just a monkey to the chief Organ Grinder like the last time ... yes, he has been here before, but that doesn't mean anything - he is going to treat us in a different way now because HE is in charge now . He is going to want to stamp his authority on the place - cue everything changing to HIS particular way of working - out with the old, and in with the new ( even if the old worked ... ). Also, the rumour mill has been turning - it is said he was moved here because Hayling Island wasn't doing as well as those-in-power wanted it to , so he has been moved out to allow Mr I-know-everything to go charging in and save the place ... leaving Tony with something to prove here perhaps ? EVERYTHING is going to under scrutiny ... he is going to be extra picky I think ... for failure is just NOT an option as fair as he is concerned. Toes are going to be stamped upon I fear ....

So a new era begins. Tony has been here about two weeks now, and as of yet he has left me mostly alone - but that is changing. The cleaning - or lack of it in his opinion- has been highlighted and I have just had my first mention of the dreaded "W" word from him. I have reserved judgement on him for now, but I have a sinking feeling it is going to be as bad here for me as ever before soon. Here we go again .... everything changes, but nothing changes.

Life is a roller-coaster

Life is a roller-coaster ...... or so the song says. Yep, definitely agree with that statement - it has felt like there have been quite a few ups and downs ( mostly downs ... ) in the last few months for me in my little life ...

The downs were mostly work related - just totally fed up there most of the time. It was the usual things - seemingly being ignored, or treated like a brain-less cretin by management ... the waste was an issue too, as was cleaning, paperwork etc. ... as I said, the usual things - everything seemed to be getting on my nerves and getting me down for a while. The dark clouds had well and truly descended around me, and it took a LONG time for them to start to clear this time - more time than ever before ( hence the lack of posts .... lots to write/complain about, but absolutely no inclination to do so ) , but they did clear in the end - not completely, but enough for me to see the sun again. .... things improve for a while, as they usually do. I'm still there for the foreseeable future, and that is that ... I'm fairly content if not happy at the prospect ... but that might change at any time ... . Matters were not helped by the fact that the aches and pains that troubled me for periods last year made an unwanted reappearance too - probably connected to my poor state of mind I expect ... I do seem to have them more ( or notice them more ? ) when I am down and depressed. They come and go as they please - I have just learned to live with them .... after a while they ease and I go on as before.

Anyway, there were more than a few downs - at home ( bigbrother still being a complete control freak, Mum still trying to run my life by her timetable ... rows and tears galore ... ) as well as at work since my last posts ( was that really 3 months ago !!! - oops ... ) - but not everything was black, doom and gloom in my world - there have been some ups too ... and yes,some were connected to my petite obsessions ... especially the Maestro *hee hee * ( more about that in another post I think ! ) ... simple things keep me happy ! I am still fighting to keep my promise to myself from the beginning of the year - to keep a positive state of mind - so far I haven't done too well, but I am still trying ... and while I am doing that, there is still hope I WILL succeed.

For now, I am just enjoying the ride for a while ... I know and expect there to be more lows, more big dips ... but without the lows, the highs would not be so high, so exciting , so invigorating would they ?... Life - it's just a ride ...

Bitten by the bug

Well, I had managed to avoid being affected like the majority of cyberspace up until now, but I confess in a moment of weakness I let my defences down ... and yes, I have succumbed ... I have been bitten by the bug - the Facebook bug , that is .

I have had an account at Facebook for quite a while, but had not really used it - I only signed up to join a group there dedicated to the Maestro, and left my activity there to that until recently. All that kinda changed when a friend from one of the Jarre forums ( Kanta ) wrote that she had signed up there, and posted a link to her page. I took a look there, then put in a friends request to her ... and then saw a few others from the forum there ... and one thing led to another. I still haven't that many friends there - only about 10, and one of those is bigbrother ! - but I now seem to on there every evening checking messages, or sending them, or doing quizzes or a thousand other assorted silly little things .... I can see how easy it can be to become addicted to the site . I am not that bad .... well, not yet anyway! It is just an extension to what I have been doing for a while at the web forums I visit ... just a bit of fun. With the exception of bigbrother and a few work / ex-work colleagues , most of the people I am in contact with have never actually met me in the flesh ... they are just cyberfriends ... that is not entirely a bad thing ( for them, that is ! ). At the end of the day, it is just a bit of fun ... another way to meet people, to communicate with others I had lost contact with, or to continue contact from other areas of my life. I am quite insular in my everyday existence ... this is a way of not being quite so ... of breaking out a little from behind my self-made walls ... they may only be cyberfriends at present , but they are still friends all the same , and that means a lot to me.

Old London Town

After the downbeat nature of the previous posts , something more uplifting ( or at least something where I am not complaining ... :-) ). These are some photos I took while on a flying visit to London in early February ... travelled by coach as part of a deal in a national newspaper. It was a bright , if cold , day. I ended up just wondering around the area near Waterloo and Westminister/Victoria - my plans to travel more were scuppered by most of the tube system seemingly being out of action due to engineering works ( just my luck ! ) ... it was a good day anyway.

The photos aren't that great, but I thought I would share them anyway ... enjoy!

View towards Westminister Bridge and Palace of Westminister

Two photos featuring the spectacular London Eye

a river view ( and the Eye again ! )

I've seen another copy of this famous statue outside Calais town hall ... it is by Augustin Rodin

Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square

The Victoria Memorial, outside Buckingham Palace

The problem with Mum

Let me just start by saying that I do love my mum .... I do with all my heart. If anything ever happened to her, if I lost her ... I would probably go to pieces. I do love mum a lot ... but ( and there is a but ) sometimes .... sometimes, she can get a bit possessive, a bit too much ...

I know she lost her main support when Nan passed away, and I am there for her if she needs me .. but I do need time to myself too !!. I am my own person, not a clone of her ... I need some space of my own to do what I want to do, be it with or without her. We live in the same house, we go out together ... we can spend the majority of the day together. We can come home from a fun morning shopping ... everyone is happy. Then I say I'm going to my room to watch a DVD, or mess around on the computer for a while or whatever ... and it is as if she regresses to a spoilt child ... " that's OK .. you just leave me ALONE then ! " I get told in a huffy voice. I've just spent the whole morning with her, doing what she wants ... I'm going upstairs as to not bother her with something she isn't interested in ... I haven't left the house, just the room ... and that is the reaction I get ! . I know it is just a small thing but it really gets to me sometimes. That combined with bigbrother and his over-possessive nature ... and Mum's tendancy to expect everything ( and everyone - i.e: me ! ) to follow and obey some kind of internal timetable in HER head .... can make home feel like a prison at times ... my every move watched, feeling like I'm not being allowed to do anything without one of them in tow .... sometimes, it seems the only time I am without them is at work ...*FEEL LIKE SCREAMING*

It is as if she and I have taken over the relationship Nan and her once had .... she has turned into Nan, and me her. NOW I can understand why she was so frustrated with Nan sometimes during my childhood ... and why their arguments, when they did argue ( which wasn't often I admit ) were so explosive ... I'm beginning to feel the same.

Despite all that , I do love my Mum , and probably wouldn't change her if I could , no matter how frustrated she makes me ... she wouldn't be Mum if I did, now would she ....?

1984 is here ( 25 years late )

Life in the fun factory isn't fun at the moment. I know I have said that quite a few times here on the blog ( like ALL the time !! ), but it really isn't now ... and it is not just me feeling that way. Quite a few of the others working there are not happy either - and the reason is the atmosphere . It feels like 1984 ( in the sense of Orwell and his novel of the same name ) is alive and kicking in the store ..... and it is all down to booze and who buys it ... let me explain ....

Like many stores both large and small , we sell Cigarettes and Alcohol in store. These are age restricted products - you have to be over a certain age to buy them ( the age is 18 for both) . Thanks to the "scourge" of binge drinking in teens ( that is how the media sees it ), the Police and Trading Standards perform test purchases to check we are not selling these products to underage people. This has been happening for a lot time .... but in the last few years it has been getting more frequent, and the consequences of failing such a test more and more severe. At the moment it is an £80 on the spot fine and a criminal record for the individual who served the person, the store management could get the sack, and the store could lose its licence to sell alcohol - and no licence means the store would close. To try and counter this, everyone is trained ( including me, and I haven't been near a till for almost five years ) to look at the person we are serving, and if there is any doubt to their age, to ask for ID/ proof of age before completing the transaction. It used to be if they looked under 18, then after a spate of local failures, if they appeared under 21 ... now it is if they look under 25 ( the legal age to buy is still 18 though) ... fair enough. So that is what the people on the tills try and do ... but stores are still failing test purchases. So Head Office , in fear of losing licences, have decreed that we ALL have to sign a document EVERY DAY before we start work to state we understand what the rules are, that we ALL verbally have to tell management EVERY DAY that we understand what the rules are and what we have to do .... basically moving all the responsibility onto the person serving . We have been told anyone who fails a test purchase is going to be disciplined, possibly suspended from work and probably dismissed as well as the actions the police might take. This, as you can expect, has scared the living daylights out of some .... and as for the rest .... they are getting fed up with what is almost becoming brainwashing on the subject. I think , by now , even the most brain-dead person would have got the message ... but no, it continues. THAT is the reason behind the bad atmosphere .... next move the Thought Police and Room 101 ....

The core of the problem comes down to this - what does an 18, 21, 25, ... even a 30 year old look like ? .... it all comes down to opinion and perception. What looks like a 25 year old to one person may not to another - that is the problem, and perhaps why failures happen. A possible solution is to ask EVERYONE buying these products for ID - but we cannot because we are not allowed to - it would infringe on their civil liberties, and the reactions from customers when we did try such a policy were negative to say the least .... there was physical violence towards some in store on more than one occasion ... so it goes on. At the end of the day we are only Human - yes, we understand ( we DO understand ! ) that we must "think 25" when selling these age restricted items, but mistakes will be made. Some underage teens will always try and buy these products ... perhaps trying to educate them not to smoke or drink in the first place might help a little, rather than persecuting everyone else in the chain, don't you think ?

A month ( or so ) in the life ....

So much for good intentions ...... I've neglected this blog again, and allowed all of February to pass without a single post - the usual reasons : too tired or too fed up with life to bother ... I will try to rectify that now !

Well, since my last post ( I really should get my act together and post more often ... ) we seem to have had all four seasons weather-wise - cold and wet, mild and damp, windy , brilliant sunshine ... even snow ! That was an interesting few days ... as usual, it seemed to bring the whole of the country to a complete standstill ( why can't we cope with it ? ) , although I have to say that there was a lot of it this time ( heavest snowfall for a decade ) , so it wasn't so surprising. Snow or no snow, I still managed to get to work, riding my way through it on my little bicycle . It made for a peaceful trip .... surrounded by a blanket of white, everything was so quiet and calm ... well, to start off with anyway .. . It didn't last very long - only a few days here on the coast, about a week further inland ... since then it has been mostly grey and damp ... matches my mood most of the time recently.

My attempt at being more positive in life is failling badly .... I am trying hard to be more upbeat, not to let things get me down ... but I'm not succeeding . The main cause ? - work ! . It is a depressing place to be at present. Lots of reasons why - economic climate, more rules and regulations to follow (especially over Alcohol sales ) , an overtime ban still in force ... the list goes on. For me personally, things are further depressed by the management deciding to focus on waste figures in store - particularly the waste figure from my section yet AGAIN. This is not the first time .... I have had this happen with every manager since I took over the section coming up to 5 years ago ... but this time I have been told to reduce my waste on my department or else .... not good. Time for a new crystal ball and magic wand I think ... for I am to reduce my waste, but not lose any sales !!. All I can say is that I am trying as hard as I can to do that - as I have been every week since I've been here. That is what winds me up - I'm spoken to as if I have no brain, as if I have not tried , if I have not noticed what levels of waste are on the department when that is almost all I do and have think/thought about .... the crystal ball and magic wand I have are not working !!. I've had enough of they - who - must - be - obeyed ... have nothing to say to them now ... and of this place ... the barriers are well and truly up .... they will get their reduced waste one way or another, I'll make sure of that, but don't expect me to be interested when I have.

It has not been all doom and gloom in my life though ( just @work ... ). Back onto my favourite subject - the Maestro. The tickets for the concert @ Wembley Arena in May have finally arrived ... so I am one step closer to getting there, to believing it is actually going to happen ... put a smile back on my face for a while ... . There is one small, tiny problem though ... a fly in the ointment - transport there is not certain yet. I thought that bigbrother was driving us ( that is mum, me and himself ) there in his car ... he said he was happy to when I booked the tickets ... now he is not so certain. His excuse - he doesn't think his car is fit to make the journey ( admittedly, it is on its last legs ) but he is not sure either way to be honest. I just want to know yes or no - yes he is driving up there , or no he isn't , in which case I will go and find another way (train/coach/tube ? ) .... I just need to know, and soon !. Bigbrother and the car affects something else too - I've also booked tickets to see Eddie Izzard @ BIC ( Bournemouth ) in November, and he was going to be driving us there too ...

So that, in brief ( or sort of ) has been my month ( or six weeks ... ) ... not the best I've ever had, but not the worst. Just have to wait and see what happens next in my happy little world .....

Loooking back, Looking forward

Well, we are almost a whole month into the New Year ... and to be honest, it doesn't feel that different to the old one ( that might be because I slept through the change on New Year's Eve ! ) ... but there is plenty of time to do something about that ... and I am sure I will ( in fact, I will make sure I will .... I cannot continue the way I have been - no good for my health, either physical or mental !! ).

Thinking about the old year ... 2008 wasn't the best year I have ever had. I seem to have spent most of the time either depressed at life and work, or feeling unwell ( both probably connected to each other) ... all my various aches and pains that appeared with alarming regularity ... it was another year I almost completely sleepwalked through. There were high points though .... seeing a frog in an egg-shaped chair @ the Royal Albert Hall last March was a major one ... *hee hee * ... although I have to say it wasn't the only one ....

As for this year, for 2009, I am sure there will be high points too ... in fact I KNOW there will be at least ONE ( and yes, it is Maestro related again ... ). I want to be more organised this year ... allowed my head, my life , even my room to become too jumbled with *stuff*. I have to sort it out, to sort out my thoughts, to sort out my possessions .... lose what I don't want or don't need anymore ... easier said than done, but all I can do is try. I basically want to be more positive in my outlook this year ... not allow so much to get me down ... my motto for this year : I CAN AND I WILL !!!. I will not allow work to get me down so much .... again easier said than done, but .... .I would love to travel to Paris again this year ( maybe combined to the Maestro and his tour ? ) .... lots of things I want to do and achieve .... the future is going to be positive!!!.