The title of this post says it all about my week so far.... a definite
feeling I have been here / done this before. Returned to work on
Tuesday, after the New Year break, and spent the day doing the exact
same thing I did last Wednesday ( i.e.: chasing my tail all day ! ).
There was a slight difference this week though ..... I wasn't so
stressed over the situation this time. That is probably because I was
sort of expecting the day to be like that ... didn't allow it to get me
down. Just ploughed through the work to do as fast as I could - of
course, for some people ( customers ), it wasn't fast enough for them,
but I came to the conclusion that I was doing my best - what else could
I do ?. If the stock wasn't ready yet, it wasn't ready.... I cannot
make the ovens work any faster..... . I just worked away, aided by the
sound of my CD player in the corner of the prep area ( three guesses
what ( or should that be who ) was playing for , at least, some of the
day...... ;-) )...
Not so many people affected by their alcohol consumption either this
week ... most of those unwell last week had returned. Perhaps they had
learned their lesson from their experiences over Christmas ..?
( no, I don't really believe that either ) ... think it had more to do
with the fact they didn't get out of bed all day Monday after the
skin-full they had the night before.....! Anyway, it was back to
normality after the festive season , whatever normality is...
The sense of déja-vu in my life was also triggered by something else
other than work itself . It seems Roxanne was right when she talked
about old wounds still being keen ....... fading away only to be
reborn ... ( a reference to a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac - if you
have seen the film, you will know what I'm talking about - if not, you
will understand in a moment ) ......
One of the people missing from work last week was Joanne ( she works on
the checkout ). I assumed she was unwell, so when she returned on
Tuesday I asked if she was OK. She said she was, but there was
something not quite right ... she seem distracted, and very quiet. I
found why, through some of the others closer to her, later in the day.
Her mother, who she still lives with, had been generally unwell for
some time. Last week, things became worse - she was not eating, not
sleeping, suffering sudden pains - so an ambulance was called, and she
was admitted to hospital for tests. The results were not good .....
they found that Joanne's mother has cancer. She is too weak to start
any form of treatment, and the cancer is so aggressive and far spread
that the doctors have only given her a month or so to live .... she is
dying. That is devastating news to Joanne .... no-one realised her mum
was that ill - no wonder she was distracted. My heart goes out to
Joanne at the moment...... . Hearing all that also brought back
memories to me, of last year, and the death of my Grandmother. Although
she didn't have cancer, all the symptoms Joanne spoke about rang a bell
in my head, for I remember similar symptoms with Gran in the days
before she was admitted to Hospital. I remember lying on my bed, crying
my eyes out, praying to God ( or whoever was up there to listen ) for
her to get better ... she had to get better.... it turned out no-one
was listening. These memories are close to the surface anyway at the
moment, as the first anniversary of her death is coming up, plus the
fact that today would have been her 86th birthday .... but listening
to what Joanne is going through has just brought all that happened
right back to the front of my mind ... my mental and emotional wounds
have healed a lot, but they are still there, still keen and always will
be to some extent......
I was in a fairly happy frame of mind until I heard about Joanne's
plight .... now I am not so much unhappy or sad - just thoughtful
again. I hope both Joanne's and her mother's suffering doesn't last too
long .... unfortunately, it is something everyone has to suffer to some
extent at some point in their lives - the loss of a loved one. As
someone much more intelligent than me eloquently describes it -
" We're born, we live for a brief instant, and then we die .... it's
been happening for a long time ..."
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